Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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