Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
