remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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