Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
