There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
