If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
