That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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