there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
