The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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