Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
