I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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