Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
