I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
