I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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