Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
