oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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