She said her name was "party"
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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