Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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