I showed him my bush... on skype.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
