I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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