I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
