The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Houston, we have a squirter
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
