6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
