im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
