hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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