You can't special order awesome
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize