Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
