Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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