dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
