SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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