I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
