i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
