We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
