I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
