She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
