Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
