i would punch a child for taco bell
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You're like the curious george of whores
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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