Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
