So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
