her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
