She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
