Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
