my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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