I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I deserve this hangover.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
