this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize