Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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