Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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