So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
