look no pants
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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