you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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