and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
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so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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