I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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