69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
