I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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