I am spending my child support on dildos
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
