I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
