She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
