Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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