it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
